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May 21 2018


a story:

one time i volunteered to play the piano at my church because our normal pianist had a family emergency and couldn’t be there.

i’m okay at the piano. i’m not great, i’m self-taught, i occasionally hit a sour note but by the standards of a small community gathering i thought it sounded alright.

after the service, a lady i didn’t know came up to me and told me how terrible she thought my playing was and when would the normal guy be back and maybe we just shouldn’t have had music at all that week.

i said, ‘i’m sorry you feel that way.’

i went home and cried a bit.

and then i didn’t play the piano for three months. i just stopped. i was 18 and sensitive and in the habit of letting unkind words sit heavy in my heart.

idk man. maybe just try kindness instead. and if that’s truly too difficult for you, learning the art of silence is completely free and i highly recommend you take it up.




loki doesn’t have gender reveal parties he has species reveal parties 

he tears open a box of balloons and the great hall of asgard erupts into screams of chaos like “WHY ARE THEY SHAPED…LIKE HORSES?” “WHERE DID HE EVEN GET HORSE SHAPED BALLOONS?” “WE ALL HATE THIS VERY MUCH!”

anyways happy mother’s day!




Let’s all take a moment and thank biology that our internal organs don’t itch.

Fun fact: digestion is actually really painful but your brain just tells you it’s fine the same way it tells you not to bite off your fingure even though you can

that’s… frustrating



predictions for the next mcu phase: valkyrie will cry drunk on a kitchen floor at least once because she wants to hang out with bruce and the hulk at the same time 

Valkyrie, her mighty unbeatable arms wrapped around the hulk whom she has pulled forcibly into her lap: I shouldn’t have gotten drunk!! I can’t protect him!!!

Bruce, who is no longer the Hulk and also naked and covered in debris: what. what happened

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The Avengers (2012) // Thor: Ragnarok (2017)



good thing this here internet box exists. back in the 12th century or whatever i would have had to shout my bullshit from the window

me hanging out my window in the dead of night, 1127 AD: I HAVE TWELVE TOES AND SEVEN EYES

a guardsman, already aiming for my nuts with his crossbow: SHUT YON FUCKETH MOUTH




no one looks dumber than a guy who calls a girl ugly after he was just hitting on her

a guy who calls a girl a whore for not sleeping with him is a strong contender

they’re the same guy


valkyrie wasn’t in infinity war because she would have chugged an entire bottle of jet fuel and ripped the infinity gauntlet off with her bare hands and then the movie would have been over

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That’s it. The best version of the meme. We’ve done it lads



“if somebody becomes panicked when you accuse them of lying theyre obviously not telling the truth” shut up ugly im a survivor who got punished for shit i never did all the time of fucking course im gonna panic when im blamed for something i didnt do

since this post is actually getting attention rn i really want to emphasize this-

many of the “tells” of lying are traits commonly found in abuse survivors and mentally ill/disabled people.

stuttering, averting eye contact, panicking, raising your volume, fidgeting, and other similar traits are actions performed commonly by these groups, especially in situations of heavy stress- such as being accused of doing something we didnt do, especially if we are afraid of being punished for doing nothing.

im honestly begging people to think critically when accusing somebody of lying for small traits like these.






Top ten places to bring a founding father in your time machine so you can watch them positively shit themselves from shock

In no particular order #8 any transportation hub but especially train stations and airports, #4 Apple store or equivalent, #9 movie theater especially movies where things come directly at the screen real fast, #2 production of “Hamilton,” #6 daft punk concert, #5 buckingham palace provided you say “and then in 1790 we just gave it back, better to pay taxes even if we’re not represented, right?” to them at some point while you’re there, #1 anywhere that really drives the point home that slavery isn’t cool and that we all know they did it, #7 furry convention if it’s not Ben Franklin, #10 NASCAR concert, #3 Hoover dam

Ben Franklin would absolutely be down with the furries.

the fact that you said “in no particular order” and then fucking numbered all of them.

yeah I said “in no particular order” and then I numbered them in no particular order, what do you want, a medal? gold medal that says “smartest” on it? because I can’t get you that. I’m not the guy to talk to about that.



you might like getting choked but sea turtles don’t so keep your FUCKIN plastic out of the ocean.

It was really pretty much impossible to tell where this post was going at first



It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-

Hermione ghost wrote this






oh gods my boyfriend isn’t home and I forget the english word for this thing and it’s bAD he usually helps but i cAN’T


you know that little sea bug with the stupid hands and it has a home but it changes homes sometimes because it gets too big for it?? what is it???

Hermit crab??


May 20 2018

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I feel good

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Wow. I’ve never thought about this before.

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Yuriko Kotani /  Russell Howard’s Stand Up Central

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My vision of young Remus Lupin! (Probably pretty soon after Hogwarts.)

I had a lot of trouble with that hair  



god my neighbor just called me and she’s like… is this your chicken in our driveway… like who else has a chicken in this neighborhood yes it’s my chicken… so i get over there and kylo hen is chilling in their driveway eating some specs and stuff and there’s this actual crowd of people around her and i’m like… hi sorry mb let me get her… and oh my god… they’re like do you need us to call someone?? should we get help?? how should we do this?? do you need a net? like bitch it’s a chicken not a fucking komodo dragon. so i just… i was kind of joking around so i crouched down and patted my thighs and all the chickens are trained to come to me on sight because me = food… so i got down there and went “here girl!! come here!!” and the chicken comes running over and this group of actual adult ass individuals were staring at me like i was the fucking pied piper… and i didn’t know what to say…. so i just kind of walked back to my yard with the chicken following me and none of them moved or said a damn word and i think i literally just convinced them this chicken is trained like a dog…

your chicken’s name is kylo hen

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